I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
