please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
