Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
