Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
