Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
