Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
