I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
