It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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