if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Randomize
