Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
