he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
