I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
