I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
