Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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