I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You need Xanax blowdarts
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
