so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
