i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
