I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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