if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
