he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i drank out of a bidet.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
