can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
