ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize