I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
