Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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