I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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