for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He shit in the fireplace
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
