Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize