the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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