He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
