You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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