I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize