Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
