Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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