i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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