It's like God shit irony all over that family
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
