You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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