Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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