i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
