I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I would fuck him just for his dog
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
