you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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