So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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