my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
