I accidentally burped into my bong.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
