his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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