Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
