After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
