I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
her facebook's as public as her vagina
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
