i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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