At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
