Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
