god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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