Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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