Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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