You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
