oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
