I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize