I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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