Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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