Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
