I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
