Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Come see our sink grown plant.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
