Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
